Fidgety Knitting

Repeat After Me

That is right, repeat after me... They dont' look like complete and utter shit. Now repeat it again. They don't look like complete and utter shit. AGAIN.

So I have a motto in life. Actually it never used to be my motto until what I call the Great Crash of the Deck of Cards House that was at that time known as Tink. I was doubly, no actually tripply devestated by the HEINOUS break up with the NASTY EX, that whole graduate from college and trying to be a responsible adult was smacking my ass around the block a bunch, and well I had a built in trigger that was set off. I collapsed at that stage and TOTALLY AND FULLY CRACKED. I had never cracked before, so being a smart girl I went to get me some help and drugs. Actually let's be honest and change that order cause after a month of no sleeping, no eating, weighing in at 90lbs (which FREAKED the utter fuck out of me- and made sleeping hard because bony bits POKE and HURT) and having emotional outbursts for no goddamn reason... Really I wanted the drugs. But I also started talking to a very wonderful person who helped me through a lot of dark.

And that person told me: Fake it till you make it. Repeat it, live it and it will be. My competitive athelete perfectionist self (even while torn to utter shreds and having NO CONCEPT of up, down or light... all I knew was DARK) turned to him and said "have you been popping candy out of the sample drawer? The pharmasales lady gave those for you to give to me not to take yourself you know" I had the right guy cause he laughed. But you know what when you don't want it to be, and you have to move it forward... you fake it till you make it.

So on Tuesday night I sat my ass down. I said to myself... SELF you will get over this. Helen (that BITCH- I love you H but...) is going to the Cook Islands and New Zealand for a 2 week vacation. I am jealous beyond belief! However when she gets back with that tan and thinned blood- she is going back to England, in March- that isn't you know Bermuda. And she really deserves this sweater! So if I can get my shit together... She might be able to wear this sweater, THIS YEAR. And the cheery on the cake? You will get to stop feeling like Jimmy Jackhole for sitting on it this long.

So SELF... We are going to piecemeal this. Today: You ARE GOING TO SEAM THE SHOULDERS. And in that tone of voice with my new Bible (serious do not get this book first. It is a nice reference but the Bible- it is readable and useable!) I sat down and got to work. I tried a few different options- the crochet chain one Bonne Marie taught me (sorry love in chunky yarn- looked like shit). Ripped that out. Next up was backstitch. which also--- looked like lumped up shit even a monkey wouldn't throw around. Let's try this again (and not mutter about how much knitting on Salina could have been accomplished in that hour of seaming and unseaming what is effectively 7-9 mutherfucking stitches)

So it was time to buck up in the fake it till you make it world series. I pushed up my sleeves and decided that I was going to graft those shoulders together. And God I hope it is a good decision. cause it is the only "pretty" one and if it falls apart on Helen I will cry.

So after a few goes at it and getting thoroughly pissed at how I could make the straight to straight line up nice but that step ladder part... it hangs with the green donkey balls. I finished up and decided to put it to the public test before going any further.

So here is where you support my fake it till you make it mojo (within reason cause I am not sending anything to Helen that isn't divinity itself- GOT THAT, so be honest but ride along with my train :)

Go ahead and repeat after me... Those shoulder seams dont' look like complete and utter shit. Now repeat it again. They don't look like complete and utter shit. LOUDER- I can't hear you!!!

Cause if it doesn't look like shit I can dance in it and then try to figure out how to tackle the sleeves (after which it will be quick riding!)

Posted by Stinkerbell at February 23, 2006 05:32 PM | TrackBack