May 14, 2006

Ce Ci N'Est Pas Une Blogue

Le sigh... I am feeling a bit down and on the rounds with it all.

Maybe it is because things can be full yet still I feel a sincere kind of lonely, that is worsened with a spoonful of difficulty that life as an expat dashes into the recipe. Maybe it is because I don't have my knitting (insert anything else that interests me/you and gives a group sentiment) group like others do and thus my projects languish as it is just me, myself and I sitting around on this shit (see below). Maybe it is because I came back from sun to mostly piss grey, and French people who have the audacity to speak French to me... I want to be in Italy damn it. Maybe it is because I have to go back to work again tomorrow and dude that place now has proprietary rights on the Soul Vacuum (NOT to be confused with the Soul Train). Maybe it is because everything is in bad fengshui placement and am on this evil carousel ride where in I want to do or clear nothing and it makes me want to do or clear nothing. Nothing like a "virtuous" circle to keep a girl going.

Despite sounding blah I am not depressed or Little Miss Negativity in person. Serious it is just my inability to type an interesting sounding thing that comes across here. But one thing I will be honest about- I am seriously low on mojo, particularly blogging mojo... and doing too much introspection probably. Which is what happens when you find out the job hope of all hopes dumped on you, because you have too much education... FUCK me sideways while you are at it please, and this it all be my "wants security" fault. Don't you hate it when there is no one else to blame but your own ass... and really even then you shouldnt complain too much as you do have it quite good (dont do jack shit for a job, get paid bank, and live in Paris you know!!)?? I DO!!

I am not sure what this is, or for that matter why anyone reads a word I type... And sometimes I go back and forth with just giving up. So while me and my other 12 personalities go duke it out in Fight Club, while I hope and wait for a nice kick of spice to take a boot to my ass, and while the Sicily post marinates itself a bit longer to avoid my inability to write anything of interest about such an interesting place- go look here at the trickling in photos ( maybe a bit photoshop happy, but pre DSLR. I am SOOOOO looking forward to my birthday next month and getting one, it be my one way of getting through this month).

Posted by Stinkerbell at May 14, 2006 08:01 PM | TrackBack

Stop being so edjumicated!

Posted by: Scout at May 14, 2006 08:44 PM

Dear heavens woman, go buy yourself some shoes NOW!!! Then sit down and have a think. This is a system that works for me. How about getting new job in say, Hawaii? That'd be fun for awhile, though you be inundated with bloggers coming to stay...

Hang in there, nothing's forever and boots are good.

Posted by: Sil at May 14, 2006 10:12 PM

my circumstances are completely different from yours, yet i feel like i understand and can identify with what you're going through. hang in there!

Posted by: shobhana at May 15, 2006 03:22 AM

Ok m'dear, we need to have a serious de-funkification talk, one of these days... when I'm not at work in my own version of the Soul Sucking Vacuum.

Love ya sweets, and I wish I could knit with you!

Posted by: Kae at May 15, 2006 04:14 AM

I think you also have a case of the pre-birthday blahs. I'm feeling them as well. 40 in June. Ouch!

Posted by: Gina at May 15, 2006 03:38 PM

You keep writing, we'll keep reading. Dont worry. And don't get bummed about birthdays. They happen.

Posted by: Chris at May 15, 2006 04:08 PM

Like Chris says, "you keep writing and we'll keep reading." - that's for sure! Hope you get outa the funk soon. I know after a nice trip I have a really hard time acclimating back to everyday things - and yeah probably b/c it does look grey.

Looked real quick thru the pics - nice! Ah, Sicily, very nice things to see. Are you a Cara Black fan? (re: the Le Duc detective agency pic in Paris Life) Take care - in the meantime, plan a nice birthday for yourself!

Posted by: Terry at May 15, 2006 08:32 PM

i'm with sil...lots of people do speak english in hawaii.

it's always hard for me to get back from a vacation and not be in a grumpy funk - esp. when things back home are not ideal. on the brighter side, your photos from sicily are fabu!

Posted by: jess at May 16, 2006 01:21 AM

oh my, i'm so not glad that you're going through it too, but isn't it nice to know that you're not the only one... and i gotta say, even your self-proclaimed uninteresting post is pretty interesting from my take, you have a way with words!
so, what's good at times like these... funny movies, wine or a good cocktail, a new pair of shoes, yarn...

Posted by: sarah at May 21, 2006 05:53 PM