May 25, 2005

A Personal Letter Addressed To:

Dear Office Cleaning Man,

I see you, YES YOU. I know that you come in here twice in the evening and people even say you are around here in the morning. I would not know because at those uncivilized hours I am still trying to bunny hop someone in my dreams. But I know this to be fact because after you leave I put more garbage in my bin, cause woooo hooooo- I AM STILL HERE, and it is gone in the morning. More importantly I know this because things move on my desk. Sure I believe (well kinda) in some form of supernatural (vague that up a bit more please…) but them they have a life, they do not move my phone so that it traps my keyboard and mouse cords thus making me twitch in the morning. If they did that they would want to be here and watch my ass twitch. NO I KNOW it is you.

I also know you are a thief. That is right I am calling you a THIEF! You have been stealing my empty water bottles. The ones (as in three of them alone this week) with no lids that I use to get refills from the cold water tap they have here at work. This… THIS is NOT funny anymore. HINT HINT, if I am repeatedly leaving one there it is because I WANT IT. I am TRYING to loose some weight here. I know I require a hard helmet, elbow, knee and wrist protectors before I am allowed onto the short bus, and I know it seems counter intuituive that I, feeling like a water retaining seacow and wanting to loose what I hope is water weight would drink more water but that is what my fancy schmancy certification by the Murkin Sports Medical Clique told me, so I am trying to combine that Snickers breakfast with water to be all healthy and shit.

So this little game you are playing, it is TOTALLY screwing with my vibe. I know you must think that this is something funny, but it is not. I say this on authority as as an ex-pat living abroad I can tell you with certainty that I entertain astonishingly easily. Trust me THIS, it is as hilarious as making me; the one with a no notice, squat on a toilet or not... bladder that stores like a camel, perform the patented "I got to go pee-pee, Yeah you know me" dance for my colleagues while waiting for an elevator to take me down 20 floors to get to a toilet; since you want me to listen to a symphony of JACKHAMMERS "fixing" ours and the 5 floors above and below us, that I can access, toilets AT THE SAME FUCKING TIME FOR THE WHOLE DAMN WEEK. Therefore I kindly request that you STOP IT NOW, as I am not entertained in the least by you fucking up my mornings like this. This is your last warning, no more of this polite Bonne Soirée crap. Steal another one and I will have to hurt you. And by that I dont mean maim I mean mutilate. Seriously one more time and I will lop of your hand, and go all consular on your ass or something.

Bien Cordialement,

Posted by Stinkerbell at 12:19 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

May 19, 2005

Toto Try to Put Your Feet Down

Damn it has been a tornado over here with the turbines continuing the output of WOOOSH sounds. While it may have been a long weekend, it sure didn’t feel like it. Yup some of us here in France get a day off for someone jumping out of the clouds…Have to respect a country that has a holiday for skydiving :) And some people spent it on strike. Bienvenue à France. I had a great time with friends but drained myself of most all energy it seems. And MAN if that and all those damn stairs you climbed don’t catch up with you.

So here is a very quick rundown of things Chez Tink:

First of all I got thebookthebookthebook from Anna! I am so in LOVE with it and can’t thank Anna enough for her kind RAOK and the Harlot for being well herself and writing it down. It totally made my day. I have almost finished reading it because I had to sit and read on Tuesday instead of knit :) I don’t even want to bend the spine of it, I love it that much. And yes it will be going with me to the KIP at Brentano’s this weekend, if they don’t carry it I will tell them that they ought to! Should any other “locals” read here (besides Kate) you are welcome to meet up for Café Tricoter on this (May 21) Saturday morning between 10:30 to 12. I will be going to the Paris Loisirs before hand at l’Hotel de Ville so I should get to Brentano’s (avenue de l’Opéra) at around 11. Let's all pray they carry a knitting bible for Tink to buy at a REASONABLE price before she spontaneously combusts with this waiting thing :)

Next up on the plate: there might be a shindig next week and I am TOTALLY stoked!! There will be knit bloggers to potentially meet here in town next week. I am so excited about this all I can't type more about it. The pressure it is ON :)

Which brings us to Martha- which sidenote, I really want a better name for her, she deserves to have a name better than a OBC jailbird :) I have knit one front up to the arm hole/front shaping. Many might ask why I don’t just finish a bloody piece, besides that back, before I trek on to start another. They would be reasonable. It is because of two things.

One I am not sure how I want to seam Martha together i.e. should I make the right side the wrong side and vice versa or something like that :)
Second because I am not sure what neck line she should have. Most cardis I get are V-necks same for tops. I go for cowl, turtle, boat and V necks like crazy (after taking a look at my wardrobe). GAH!
At least I found here to give me an idea of a Vneck look and the lovely and talented Bonne Marie has her version with a picture about a curved neckline option. I am visual people MUST.SEE to decide.

Anyways I am knitting like a DEMON to finish knitting her in time for the possible shindig. I am hoping to prey with my stupidity on the kindness of others. Yes you all may consider this a warning that I might just try to make any KIP into a SIP for me (seam in public). So I am now knitting feverishly on the second front.

And you know what I have a meditation for you all to end the post:
You know you knit too much when you honestly contemplate typing a post with your nose or your toes because you want to get an extra couple of rows in during your lunch break in the office.

Posted by Stinkerbell at 01:17 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

May 09, 2005

I Would Like to Introduce You to My Fairy Yarn Mother

Her name is Snooze. She is the worlds bestest. This random and gorgeous person picks up on my blog from my ranting and raving and steps in to wave a wand around.

First out of nowhere like the blogless Liz whom I utterly adore and am going to finish those Koigu socks... and lest I forget (*edited: SOOOO sorry!!! I posted the wrong version- this is why one should check which version, home or work, of a document you are working on!*) Terri who enabled me into a great Bay area store where I got to touch yarns and take home some Lorna's Laces sock yarn.

Snooze sends me a book when I was dealing with the play like your job offer is a piñata game dark pit; just you know to pick up my spirits. Then she ups the ante as she has read this whole blog and sends me GUSHERS!!! Oh the glory of Gushers…

But not content to leave it there she goes one step further to make my Monday morning today. As when I exited the flat the postman had just placed a small package in my boite. So I pulled it out and since she of divine fairieness has a wonderful packaging ability, I waited till I got to work to open it. Ravaging a package whilst on the métro only to pull out yarn and rub it against your face in the car of the work commuters does make tend to make them well STARE at you.

Would you like to know what this lovely lady (of whom I am totally jealous of- she has met theharlottheharlottheharlot, been blogged about by theharlottheharlottheharlot, I am betting she has thebookthebookthebook (oh I will get that book one day yes I will!), and many photos of theyarntheyarntheyarn along with access to Gushers :) sent me... Moonlight Shimmer! OH MI GOD

Mama Mao best love her Mother’s Day socks and be willing to ship yarn to me. Cause I see a yarn purchase coming up for her to ship me! I am no longer feeling Knitpicks hesitant/reticent. Now to see what I will make with the hank of shimmer I have, oh the ideas I might knit…

More entertaining (as I truly do entertain much easier than you might guess, and really it would frighten you how easy it is to make me laugh like a bowl full of jelly) she sent me a clip on belly ring. This stemmed from a comment on the post about Mama Mao sending me $220 orthopedic clogs that gave me vision changing jolts of pain (for which she is still pouting over, I of heathen status have rejected her clogs that have a spring for a heel).

Anyone who bats more than two eyelashes at me knows that even in my pragmatic nature I don’t do orthopedic clogs. Born, Dankso, Birkentstock, Dr. Scholls- sure. THESE shoes (link coming to a computer near you tomorrow), that is a negative ghost rider. Leading Snooze to say that she could see leather pants, or a belly ring but not orthopedic shoes, even she knew better. And to be honest if it weren't for the big needle deal I might have gotten one by now. Anyways, I may not love my tummy but I will be sporting it and there will be photos. Though a photo shoot at work might really make them think I am crazy, not just insane.

Martha Tink Tries Artsy

On the knitting front- I have finished the back of Martha, the sleeves are both back up to the evil shaping stage, and I have started a front (that is on halt as I need. I think Polly describes knitting 4ply cotton best. This takes FOREVER.

Martha Sleeve 2

Why am I such a flake on these IT things... well I am fighting myself on this. Part of me says get the internet at the flat, then you can be all involved and such things that being hip in the 21st century and connected implies. But the internet in the flat sucks me into a deep dark vortex from which I know that time disappears. I kind of like my calm and relaxed evenings, but then again I end up staying much later at work to satisfy my internet fix. Chances are I am going to try and figure out a way to do it. Hence the note to self: must learn self control.

And to leave you with your laugh of the day that I got after turning in the paper with two salvageable sentences that gave me a cherry topped ulcer… this is PERFECT. Do not click through should you be prudish, it is knitting gone... well nothing profane but not for those people who wish to ignore anatomy. I totally almost wee’d when I saw it. It screams Kitten, La and Rock Chick.

Posted by Stinkerbell at 06:30 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

May 04, 2005

Talk to the Bad Blogger After the Beep

Am alive, am occasionally knitting, am working on this stupid paper which is resulting in panic attacks with a cherry topped ulcer, am about to go on holiday (we have a long weekend for Ascension- something about going up the hill I guess :) am having people visiting from out of town for the holiday weekend.

Am not going to probably be able to blog till next Monday, but will try to write said blog entry over weekend and finish said bloody paper so that I can make proper ass of self in front of boss.

Am going to try and take photos of Martha and finished India socks that are for Mama Mao.

Have a great one!

Posted by Stinkerbell at 04:09 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack